Bleeding Out

This was the bloodiest week probably literally of my whole life. I’m surprised I lived. This isn’t even a joke.

The nosebleeds began. You see, when most people get nosebleeds, it’s caused by somebody socking them in the face or something like that, and then it’s just a little trickle downward. When Elder Jensen gets nosebleeds, it’s entirely random and it’s like a waterfall of blood flowing violently and unceasingly in an attempt to fill a vacant hole in the universe that can never be satisfied.

The first district meeting of the Unified Hesperia Confederacy Zone. It was super freaking lame because everyone in our district is literally just the people from the old Hesperia zone, minus the cool ones. Yeah, we’re lame too. Also, there’s only two funny missionaries in the district, and one is me, and I’m not even funny. Just funny looking.
Also, our wardmates are in the district with us, and one of them is a little bit of a … wonderful daughter of God. That’s all I’ll say.
The waterfall of blood continued throughout the day at random intervals.

Trust me, that was supposed to say Wednesday. I just had my fingers on the wrong keys.
We have this goal to contact 10 people a day (which apparently somehow the sisters are getting 40 people a day? I don’t know how that’s physically possible, especially because it’s supposedly in 2 hours, but hey; whatever) which we’re not doing very well at because in the Arrowhead ward, nobody actually walks around outside.
Yet more blood cascaded from my face later that night.

Woke up in the morning with a headache, stomach ache (probably from drinking a gallon of my own freaking blood, even though I didn’t lay back. When the blood wants to come out of my nose and the hole in my nose isn’t fast enough, it takes other routes) and then my nose began gushing some more blood. Look, I promise I’m not dying, guys, don’t worry about me, but I want you to get the idea of how ridiculous this week has been.
By the way, I do this thing called My Plan where I basically plan out my future online, so we went and did that. My nose could handle that.
Afterward, we had dinner with a member from Apple Valley (Elder Broadhead’s last ward) who took us and our housemates to La Casita Cafe. That was yummy.

We did some mass service for a guy named Brother Fulmer again, and he took us to Taco Bell again. I will always do service for that guy– I mean, I would do it either way, but Taco Bell helps. Also, he’s really cool because it’s not for him, it’s just orchestrated by him. We do it for other people.
Then, we had to do a bunch of driving and blow a bunch of miles, and then we went up to interviews with the mission president. I didn’t get one since I have a departing interview in August. So that’s cool. Also, I realized recently that my temple recommend expired a couple months ago, so that’s also cool. President just said to wait until the departing interview.
Also more nosebleeds.

More nosebleeds, and then tried to visit people and failed. It was a boring day.

More nosebleeds, which was this time accompanied by a headache. I guess when you bleed out all the water in your body, and then combine that with the heat of Hesperia, California, you get dehydrated headaches. Church was good though. There were some cool stories shared.

Well, there’s my week of sheer blood and horror, minus the horror.
Thanks for reading.
Elder Jensen out.

On Sun, Jul 30, 2017 at 9:22 PM, Jim Jensen <> wrote:

Hey Dude! (ahem, Elder!)

Crazy talk, but we’re going to meet Garrett at the airport on Thursday. Yes, that’s this week. Time is picking up speed now, you’ll be with us before you know it.

I went through the letters and stuff we’ve been getting about your return. Here are some dates about some of the things you should think about when you get home.

-mission release, Aug 28, 500p at our home
Mission release is at 5? We’re not really gonna’ have time to do stuff that day then, are we?
-institute, Thursday, Aug 31, 700p, lone Peak Seminary, need to register (6 weeks course)
-text 801-837-6121 for invites to YSA activities
-mission ward sacrament report, Sep 17, 900a
Wow, that’s a while after. I thought I was supposed to choose.
-stake high council mission report, Sep 24, 745a stake center
-fireside for RM and parents, Sep 24, 700p, 2195 N 100 E, PG
-speak with high councilor, Oct 15

None of these dates are set in stone yet (except your release), but it gives you a good idea of some things to expect.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your return and what it will be like for you and us. In a way, we’ll want to act like you never left. Hopefully, there’s not time wasted trying to get reacquainted or whatnot. It will be somewhat weird for you. You’ve gone and lived a lifetime in 2 years. We just carried on as usual. When you get home, you won’t have anything to do or anywhere to be, but we’ll all have to go to work on Tuesday and you’ll probably be bored after lunch. Haha.
That’s comforting…. Lol

Reorientation to home life can be tricky from what I’ve heard. It will be tempting to just try to pick up where you left off, but you will have changed so much and gained so much experience you won’t be able to do that. You’ll be a different person.

I’m excited to meet with you and talk about your future and the many options you have. Jonah, it will be so good to have you back. I can hardly wait. I’m so proud of what you’ve done. You’re a man, an adult, a full-on person with mature life understanding. We’re so looking forward to the blessings that will come from your service.

All my love,


On Sun, Jul 30, 2017 at 8:26 PM, Susan Jensen <> wrote:
Garrett comes home this week! So exciting! I was clearing out some stuff in the basement to get ready for you. I’d like to get the room ready all the way but Athen hasn’t found a place yet. He has so much junk, it’s going to take days to get it all organized. I’m just not convinced he will be out.
Athens friend, Gabe, is going to do some video and pictures for us at the airport. Sariah has EFY this week and Anna is going to Clear Creek. It will be quiet here. Tyler Jones had his farewell today. He’s going to the Philippines.
Looks like the Stake President will be releasing you at 5 pm at our house when you get home. It’s going to be a busy day! How long has your companion been out? I hope you’ve had some chances to teach and serve this week. I look forward to hearing about it. Love you!

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Man, everything’s excellerating. It’s crazy. I got a haircut from a girl at a barber shop who gave me a haircut at the beginning of my mission and she apparently recognized me, and it was weird to both of us thinking that I was about to go home.



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